You Know This Is You,

Amidst the chaos of this early afternoon - you are weighing prominently on my mind. It seems I cannot escape you. Indeed I cannot seem to recall when you were NOT on my mind, although I know there had to a time when you were not. I've only known you three out of the 26 years I've been on this planet, so I couldn't always have been living for you.

I would your memory inspired some form of warm, well meaning feeling but I think if I were to tell you that, you would know I was lying. You must know that I am still angry at you. I feel justified in my anger though that's kind of an odd way to put it, isn't it? Justified! If something is justified, then it seems to me it should feel right, but this anger doesn't.

To That Figure In Black,

I will admit that having sex in a cemetery (even inside of a car) is not the most appropriate of acts, but seriously - don't sneak up on people like that! I mean, put your self in my shoes. It's the middle of the night, in a cemetery; a place you are in not for perverse, gothic kicks, but to obtain some much needed and ever evasive privacy with a beautiful lover. You feel safe in the dark - safe to be uninhibited and loose and wild with your lover. The car shakes and moans escape from warm bodies, and then suddenly, through your half opened eyes you see a figure in black - a silent specter - emerge from the headstones, and walk passed the car.


For starters, no one likes to be interrupted when engaged in such an intimate act; the embarrassment, the surprise - it's unpleasant to say the least. Secondly, I am a woman who has seen one too many horror movies, and seeing some dark figure traipsing through a cemetery in the middle of the night, well….I have an active imagination filled with zombies, demons and psycho killers.

So in short, please don’t DO that!

Same Name Dame,

You don't know me, and I don't know you - however your existence in his life makes me somewhat sad. I know this is a new relationship for the two of you, and as such there is no way to tell what will happen to you guys tomorrow let alone weeks, months, years down the road, but knowing that he enjoys you so much is disheartening. Every time he has mentioned you thus far, I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my mood dips severely. You should consider that a good sign for you! If I didn't feel he was so attached to you already, I wouldn't have such a physical reaction.

I don't blame you for liking him, as he is a wonderful man. His happiness is important to me, and if you are what make him happy I'll have to accept that. I do blame myself though. I feel like I should have been there for him a lot sooner. I feel like I could have been in your place if I had been more aggressive in my approach to get to the city. I probably shouldn't have been so afraid to tell him how I felt about him, instead of playing coy for fear that I would seem insane for falling for a man I've met only once, and have spent almost a year talking to at length online. God, it seems insane even writing that now.

Perhaps that is where I will find the most comfort out of this situation. Logic and rationality. There was never going to be anything logical in high tailing it to a big city for a boy I only know through electronic means, and in changing my plans on a slight chance something nice might come out of it. I am where I am, he is where he is, and you are where you are - which happens to be in his mind and by his side.