To That Figure In Black,

I will admit that having sex in a cemetery (even inside of a car) is not the most appropriate of acts, but seriously - don't sneak up on people like that! I mean, put your self in my shoes. It's the middle of the night, in a cemetery; a place you are in not for perverse, gothic kicks, but to obtain some much needed and ever evasive privacy with a beautiful lover. You feel safe in the dark - safe to be uninhibited and loose and wild with your lover. The car shakes and moans escape from warm bodies, and then suddenly, through your half opened eyes you see a figure in black - a silent specter - emerge from the headstones, and walk passed the car.


For starters, no one likes to be interrupted when engaged in such an intimate act; the embarrassment, the surprise - it's unpleasant to say the least. Secondly, I am a woman who has seen one too many horror movies, and seeing some dark figure traipsing through a cemetery in the middle of the night, well….I have an active imagination filled with zombies, demons and psycho killers.

So in short, please don’t DO that!